The past few weeks have been difficult. The physical constraints put upon us during Covid-19 have manifested themselves mentally. In my case, I’ve especially struggled to motivate myself to work. This has been surprising. Initially, the extra time seemed like an asset to use and develop new skills or finish old projects. I had plans to finally build the hackintosh, get the raspberry pi going again, and finish that Java course I’ve been doing for far too long. Now, it feels like a burden. It is time to waste away as the walls close in around me. In my last post I wrote about activities I’m taking to stay healthy. That routine has continued, and it’s played a large part in keeping me sane. However, there’s a feeling of hopelessness during this lockdown that crushes desire and ambition. What’s the purpose of goals, of creating, of building when we can’t know when this ends? An unknown ending plays into my weakness to procrastinate. That spring has arrived, and the sun shines on Berlin is an irony not lost on me during such a bleak period. Perhaps this purgatory of potential will serve as a reminder that when – and if – this all does end, that wasting free time is a sin. But I shouldn’t need a pandemic to remind me of that. It is maudlin. The right way to look at this is to be pragmatic. Focus on the fact I’m healthy, that my wife is healthy, and that I don’t have many close friends and family affected now. It is easy to devolve into self pity when you are alone with your thoughts all day. Take a step back, look at what’s good in my life. That’s what I’ll think about the rest of the day.